Expectations

Me on top of Lingira "mountain" - the hill that runs along the middle of my home island.

(Please note: The following contains raw honesty and though it may not look all pretty or what a "missionary" should be feeling or thinking, it is what I am passing through right now. So, bear with me. ;) )

When we are young, the future possibilities stretch out before us as far and as wide as the many years that lie ahead. Our young dreams focus on what we might be or achieve one day, whom we might one day call our own, where we will settle, and what we will name our children. As I was growing, I, too, had expectations and hopes in each of these areas.

However, expectations are wishes cast upon an unforeseen future. Some come to fruition, while others are "lost at sea." My expectations versus God's expectations - they can be drastically different from each other.

I expected to be married by now.

I expected to have had children - by now.

I expected to be "settled" in the life every young girl dreams of - with a family and living in a cute house, right next door to my beloved sister and her family.

I expected to still be close in proximity and relationship with each of the dear friends with whom I grew up.

I expected to be right there - seeing and actively participating in each new season of my friends' lives - dating, marriage, family, children.

I expected to be a close and doting "auntie" to the aforementioned little ones.

I didn't expect to live in a foreign country.

I didn't expect to be so far from much-loved family and friends for extended periods of time.

I didn't expect to not live in or be near my beloved hometown with its amazing quirks and qualities and lovely, friendly people.

I didn't expect to become accustomed to cold showers, scurrying rats and other critters, the endless battle with dirt, and the ongoing struggle with always feeling a bit "out of place."

I didn't expect the ongoing, daily struggle with my weaknesses, my humanity, my besetting sins and habits for days, weeks and years.

I expected to be more mature by now.

I didn't expect that God would take me away to a little remote island far away from all I held close so I could know Him more deeply and intimately.

I didn't expect to experience grace in so many diverse and indescribable ways.

I didn't expect He would take me away from my "comfort zone," so I might better learn forgiveness, freedom, and trust.

I didn't expect to be a witness to God's incredible and active work in a different corner of the world.

I didn't expect to meet and build precious friendships with so many people of different nationalities and backgrounds.

I didn't expect to encounter, learn from and come to value diverse cultures and different "ways of doing things."

I didn't expect to see such incredible, awe-inducing beauty, amazing places, and obvious evidences of God's creativity, power and majesty.

I didn't expect to be actively serving in areas I am so passionate about - youth, discipleship, teaching the Word of God, and communication.

I didn't expect the immense joy of walking alongside another as they discover and embrace God's incredible love and His marvelous plans for them.

I didn't expect to be forced to face and fight the dark, deceptive and enslaving ways of Satan.

I didn't expect to see the practice and results of witchcraft in such tangible ways.

I didn't expect to see God's light shine so brilliantly and pervasively in a darkened part of Uganda.

I didn't expect to see lives radically transformed, families miraculously restored, students given new hope, and people set on fire and on mission with God.

I didn't expect that I would thrill to see and be a part of God's ages-long, world-wide, love-sustained campaign to bring long-lost, "walking dead" rebels back to Himself - from every tongue and tribe and nation.

I didn't expect that I would not want to live any other life, serving any other God, choosing His expectations over my own, laying aside my childhood dreams for something much, much better.

I didn't expect that Gods plans and expectations would yes, be so different than mine, but above and beyond what I could think or even imagine.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him." - Psalm 62:5

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." - Proverbs 19:21

Liking the "Unlikely"

"God doesn't consider age, background, nationality...He looks at our hearts."

I fervently shared these words with my young friend, who was trying to bravely and cautiously think about her future. I knew she was doubting if and how God could use her, lead her, and bless her.

"I love the scripture in 1 Samuel that says 'man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart'."

I really think God likes the unlikely. 

He promises a long-awaited son to an elderly ancient, well-past-their-prime couple. (Abraham and Sarah)

He chooses the forgotten, smells-like-sheep little brother to be the next anointed king. (David)

He collapses an impenetrable wall - with crazy shouts and trumpet blasts. (Jericho)

He transforms an arrogant teenager into the second most powerful man in Egypt. (Joseph)

He creates an entire nation from a motley crew of 12 brothers born from a dysfunctional polygamous family. (The nation of Israel.)

He calls uneducated, rough-around-the-edges fishermen to be his first disciples. (Peter, James, John)

He almost seems to favor the very young, the very old, the poor, the despised, the overlooked, etc. (Samuel, Moses, the Samaritan woman, Zaccheus...)

Why? Because He likes the unlikely.

It is the "unlikely" who best display His radiant glory. The weaker the vessel, the greater His power is shown.

This is the message I wanted to convey to my friend this afternoon as we shared tea and sweet brown bread. She comes from a poor family, was raised in the islands, is shy and quiet, is one of the few Christians in her predominantly-Muslim home, and has struggled with many challenges over the years.

But, God loves these odds - He really does.

Don't even think there is anything you can or can't do, or that you were born with or born without, that will throw a wrench in His plans for you.

After we prayed over my friend's future and the coming steps and days that only God knows, I told her I was excited for what lies ahead. Because I really am.

I am excited because He has brought her so far already.

I am thrilled because she loves Him and wants to please Him in all she does.

I am very eager to see her unfolding story.

I am confident that the One who began His good work in her will continue and complete it. (Phil. 1:6)

The Author God loves writing in interesting twists and surprise endings, doing above and beyond what we can even ask or think. He's awesome like that.

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." - Ephesians 3:20-21

P.S. Please be praying for my friend, Fauza, that she would continue to trust and believe in the God who has good plans for her.

"Detours"

This picture was recently circulating Facebook. I really liked it. :)

One of my most memorable "detours" occurred last February. I had attended a wonderful graduation ceremony for my brother in ministry, Robert Wafula, as he received his master's degree in leadership.

The graduation was on time and finished early. Since the university is within about 40 minutes of Kampala, I figured I could "dash" to the capital city, check on my pending work permit, and be back on the road, headed toward Jinja, to arrive in time for the 5 p.m. graduation dinner. After all, it was only mid-day - plenty of time...right?

If I have learned anything while in Uganda, it is never, ever assume - anything.

My trip to the immigration office went very smoothly and so did the start of my return trip. But shortly an auto accident, complete with fire and smoke, sent us off the two-lane main road - on a detour on one-lane mud roads - for nearly 2 hours.

Our packed taxi (which resembled a VW bus) became just one of many vehicles of all shapes and sizes (including large fuel tanks) that attempted to navigate these too narrow, very muddy, very windy back roads. As we re-entered the paved main road, I discovered we were only a short distance ahead of where we had been two hours before, and not much closer to our destination.

I arrived in Jinja that evening sometime after 7 p.m., having missed the best of the party, and able to enjoy what remained of the nice meal.

My reaction? To cry tired tears of frustration. I kept asking myself, "Why? How? How did such a great day turn out so wrong?"

There have been other times in my life in which I didn't understand the "detours."

"God, why I am here? How long do you want me here? When will I get back to the 'real' plan you have for my life?"

The last time I visited my sister (in Nov. 2012), I heard a pastor share in a chapel service about "detours." He spoke of how we often think God can't use them or that they are "interruptions," pulling us off the main road He has for us. But, the pastor asked, what if the detour is the real path? Rather than trying to escape it, why not embrace it and realize it too is part of God's overall sovereign work in our lives?

Those words have come back to me this week. For years in my mind I had an idea of what God might have in store for me, and honestly it didn't include Uganda. I have been guilty of thinking my time here is a "detour" and that one day I will resume the original plan God has for me. Usually, that plan includes marriage, living back in the U.S. somewhere near family, and working in a support position for a ministry or mission organization.

Consequently, I have not allowed myself to fully settle here - physically, spiritually, emotionally - to relax and invest wholeheartedly in the path I am on now. I am being honest here, and it is not easy.

After four years here, I just recently bought a couple pieces of furniture, after living for too long out of plastic totes. I haven't seriously devoted myself to language studies - after all, I don't know how long I will still be here.

Unlike others who believe God is calling them to a lifetime in Uganda or other parts of Africa, I don't have that sense. Or maybe I am avoiding it.

Please don't misunderstand me. I do love my life here, where I live, who I work with, what I am doing, but yes, there are days when I seriously struggle with loneliness, discontentment, ingratitude, and the "grass is greener elsewhere" syndrome. Unfortunately, in my fallen nature I fall into the trap of thinking I am missing out on something, somewhere, rather than trusting that this is God's best for me right now, right here.

I had the blessing of being prayed over this past weekend. One thing spoken over me was I had lately become frustrated as I sought for a clear path and a clear vision. "God will give you one," I was told. Immediately, I thought, "What if that vision includes long-term work in Uganda? Am I ready for that?"

I don't know if I am ready. Honestly, I don't know what is ahead, how long I will be here, or what the "big picture" is. But I am slowly and stubbornly learning to trust Jesus for the next step of this journey, this adventure.

When we join Jesus on the path He has for us - winding as it may be - there are no such things as detours. He uses it all - every season, every circumstance, every encounter - to accomplish His purposes in and through us. It's pointless to worry about whether or not you are being "detoured" or on the "main road."

If Jesus is driving, you know all is under control - His control. So settle in and enjoy the ride. :)

Discovering God's "Plan A"

This year of 2013 is closing and 2014 is about to be born. When it comes to crossing over from one year to the next, I get to thinking about what needs to change in my life. You know, the traditional "New Year resolutions"? ;)

However, rather than my usual too-lofty ambitions, I want to return to the basics this coming year. Primarily, loving God and loving others and doing them well.

I recently finished what has become a new favorite book of mine - "You Are God's Plan A: and there is no plan b," by Dwight Robertson.

I downloaded the Kindle version awhile back, not knowing what it was about, but just because it was free at the time. And then I started it during my personal retreat last week, when I was seeking God for, among other things, what should be my next step in ministry. Though it was kind of by "accident" that I downloaded and then began reading the book...within the first few pages, I knew God wanted me to read it and it was His perfect timing.

Though I would love to tell you all that I gleaned, I really want you to read the book for yourself. Thus, I will share just a few highlights.

What is God's "Plan A" for reaching the world?

It is you and me - loving people up close, in the mainstream of our own lives, as they are interwoven among others' paths. Evangelism, the Great Commission, and reaching the world for Jesus is a task not just for the pastor, the missionary, the worship leader, the Billy Grahams, but for every child of God who has experienced His love and grace.

God's plan to reach your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, the people around you - is you. We are co-laborers with Jesus, following His pattern of loving others.

"If you've avoided involving yourself in the work of God's Kingdom because you don't think you have anything significant to contribute, then I have good news for you: God wants to work through you, He chooses you."

Robertson uses the example of the disciples - unlearned, ordinary and even despised men - whom God used to perform an extraordinary work, sparking a revolutionary world-wide movement that continues strong today. Because it's not about the vessel, it's about the One who chooses, empowers and equips the vessel.

"God does extraordinary things through ordinary (and even lowly) people and circumstances. He always has...and He still does." 

Think you lack what it takes? God has already gifted each of us with certain talents and passions. This is for a purpose. How can you use what you already have (interests, talents, background, experiences) to show God's love to those nearest to you? Whether you are a mom, dad, sister, brother, neighbor, friend, teacher, grandparent, artist, volunteer, bus driver, musician, artist, athlete, etc., each day you interact with others who may never enter a church, but who do interact with you - the real "church."

"You don't need to imitate anyone else. God has designed you like no other, and His design is perfect for the ministry He's called you to. In a sense, He's given each of us a ministry fingerprint."

(A fingerprint meaning God has a "unique and distinct ministry role" just as your physical fingerprints are unique.)

But, it's not all about us, it's all about our God. We want people to see Him, not us. We want them to experience His love, peace, grace.

"We impress people from a distance, but we impact them when we're up close. Because when we're up close to others...we bring God close to them as well." 

This means we must remain close to God - so we can be "connectors" for others to the true Power Source - our Heavenly Father.

"The greatest gift you'll ever give the world is your intimacy with God."

The above quote may be my most favorite in the entire book. Want God to use you to impact your world to the greatest degree? Then let Him fill you, empower you, lead you. What we have to offer to others is limited, but God's supply is limitless.

"The closer to God you get, the more of God you'll give. But the further away from God you get, the less of God (and the more of you) you'll give to others."

I love the way Robertson shows how Jesus' very relational method of investing in a few people at a time is the best "method" to reach the world. If every year for 20 years you invested in the lives of two people, and they did the same for 20 years, and those they touched did the same for 20 years, eventually more than 3.48 billion people would be impacted. He contrasted this to a public speaker reaching 100,000 people every year for 20 years - eventually impacting only 2 million in that time. See the difference?

I want my time in Uganda to be effective and I so much want to eternally impact the lives of those around me, but it's not through great teaching methods, charismatic sermons, or mesmerizing miracles. It is by bringing God's love up close to others.
 
Okay, I could go on and on, but I really want you to read the book. So, I will close with this final quote for you to chew on.

"How do you become God's Plan A? Simply get up close to people, hang out with them, love them in practical ways, and share the God who lives in you with them. Everyone can do that."

Photo credit: By Brett Jordan on Unsplash