Control Freak

Perfectionist.

Critical.

Overbearing.

Manipulative.

Who am I describing?

Me.

Ugh. This week God revealed that I, Ruthie, am a control freak. I stake so much of my peace and satisfaction on whether things and people are cooperative with my "overall plan." I mistakenly believe that I can best serve and minister to and for Jesus when everything and everyone around me are in order.

Perhaps that is why God put me in such an environment in which I have very little control over my surroundings and the people in them.

For example:

- I cannot control the weather (not that I know anyone who can), and as a result I can't always dictate when I shower (since I shower in an outdoor building, with walls and no ceiling), and when I travel on an open-air boat, or where I walk, ride a motorcycle, etc.

- I do not have control over most of the food I eat. (It's a good thing I love beans and rice.)

- I do not have power over the people around me, especially as we often speak a different language, come from different cultures, and have quite varied expectations for many things.

- I cannot control where the rats, bats and lizards sleep, scurry and especially where they make their "deposits." :(

- I cannot always control when I have access to power, clean water, favorite foods, or the Internet. 

- I do not decide how much my supporters send me, how often they pray for me, or when they write to me.

This week God put the spotlight on my over-controlling behaviors through the story of Mary and Martha. Truly, I can hardly read that story without being convicted of something.

The account, told in Luke 10, vs. 38-42, says Martha opened her home to Jesus as He was traveling through the area. She took the initiative to warmly welcome the Messiah into the family home, shared with her sister Mary and brother Lazarus. 

But what transpired next turned what should have been a joyful gathering into a sour occasion. Perturbed Martha complained about her seemingly unconcerned sister, Mary. Rather than helping make sure all was perfect and in order in the home and especially for the honored guest, Mary had planted herself at Jesus' feet, focusing only on Him.

When Martha petitioned Jesus for His help in motivating Mary, He replied:

"My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! But few things are needed - or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." (NIV)

I can so identify with Martha. I sincerely want to serve and bless Jesus and the people He has placed in my life, but I mistakenly put way too much emphasis on the details of this serving. I think that if I can control the who, what, when, where and how, I will be serving Jesus to my utmost. But as I create a whirlwind of activity all I seem to do is generate more messes, damage relationships and shift my focus to time-consuming details and away from the face and feet of my Savior - the very one I want to bless.

I don't think Jesus was chiding Martha for being hospitable or conscientious, but for the fact that her priorities were askew and inverted. She had invited Jesus to be with her and her family, and now everything else had taken precedence over Him.

Earlier this week God led me to repent of my possessive and controlling behaviors and my busyness which has kept me from sitting at His feet. 

Jesus, help me to be more like Mary, always willing to sit at your feet.

What details keep you from sitting at Jesus' feet?

What always seems to take priority over that quiet time with Him?

What can you say no to today so you can say yes to Christ?

Photo Source: http://www.jesus-story.net/painting_martha_mary.htm

"Hurry Up and Wait!"

Family and friends of SHIM - waiting for something...

Sometimes life in Uganda forces you to wait...

A computer repair that should take less than a week extends into a month.

The "high-speed" Internet results in a 20-minute song download or no download at all.

Someone tells you they'll meet you in half an hour and an hour ticks by.

Church starts when enough people show up.

The random power outages postpone the Skype chat you were so looking forward to.

The mud and potholes slow down the journey by car or by motorcycle or even when walking.

You can rush to the lake shore to ensure you don't miss the boat and wait...for up to an hour before you see it.

It rains...this almost inevitably interrupts or derails any plans.

People here walk slower, talk slower, eat slower, plan slower, and often work slower. Let's just say, there is generally a slower pace here. ;)

One of my favorite phrases here is "Hurry up and wait" - often said sarcastically. ;)

Today I had to wait...and I wasn't happy about it. After retrieving my computer yesterday, with its new hard drive, I have been attempting to start, reload and download the programs I need. The "high speed" Internet was less than swift and resulted in high blood pressure and eventual resignation as dusk began to fall. I trudged home from the Internet cafe, pondering what God might be attempting to teach me with these frustrations.

I am trying to do good things here, so why do I seem to hit these potholes? Perhaps God sees I am greatly lacking in patience? Or I need to work on persistence?

Sunsets are always worth waiting for. :)

I think, however, something deeper is happening - a richer lesson that God wants me to grasp.

Waiting is not bad, it is actually good.

"Wait" is one of the words I believe God gave me for 2013. There are so many Scripture verses that contain the word "wait" that I didn't even begun to study them all.

Waiting seems to be a lesson God often taught David as evidenced in the Psalms. The shepherd-boy-turned-royalty knew some about it as he waited 10+ years to assume his rightful throne, while running and hiding for his life from King Saul.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in His way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" - Psalm 37:7

"Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long." - Psalm 25:5

"Lord, I don't know if what I am doing is effective or worthwhile." His response: "Wait on me...wait and see."

"Lord, I am homesick and missing the people at home." His reply: "Wait on me...draw close to me."

"Lord, I am struggling with these temptations, challenges and frustrations." He tells me: "Wait on me...My strength is what you need."

"Lord, so and so is annoying and hurting me. His whisper: "Wait on me...I've got it handled."

Waiting forces us to stop, quiet our minds and hearts, and be more aware of God's abiding presence. 

Perhaps we need to slow down enough, to wait, to actually see Him at work. 

Unconscious Usefulness

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they
                                                       g                                                      
                                                       r
                                                       o
                                                       w;
                                                                          ...they simply are!

Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars and the moon - all these are, and what a ministration they exert.

So often we mar mar God's designed influence through us by our s-e-l-f c-o-n-s-c-i-o-u-s  e-f-f-o-r-t to be CONSISTENT and useful. 

Jesus says that there is only ONE way to develop spiritually, and that is by concentration on GOD.

  

"Do not bother about being of use to others; believe on Me" - pay attention to the Source, and out of you will flow rivers of living water.

We cannot get at the springs of our natural life by common sense, and Jesus is teaching that growth in spiritual life does not depend on our watching it, but on concentration on our Father in heaven.

Our heavenly Father knows the circumstances we are (in), and if we keep concentrated on Him we will g-r-o-w spiritually as the lilies.

The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold us.

If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live." 

- From "My Utmost for His Highest," by Oswald Chambers, May 18th entry